July 4, 2012 - Fireworks

Baby, you're a firework!

My wish is that they may always share this much love for each other.

~K

June 30, 2012 - Last minute

Last minute plans are often the best laid plans.   Something about just moving.  Just doing.  Without planning.  Without thinking.  Moreso, without over planning or over thinking.

June 15, 2012 - BFF's

"Are there any little girls at this house?" the little blond pigtails asked from the front door.....

And with those seven words, a beautiful friendship began.

Beautiful is hardly the word.   It doesn't really do it justice.  Everlasting.   Unconditional.   Transformative.  Remarkable.  Rare.   Those get closer to it.

Thirty two years later it's just like that.   Times are fewer are more far often between but there's never
a need to pick up and never a doubt that no matter what, if either of us ever need that other little girl, all you have to do is ask.

It's really just that special.   And the greatest part is that we absolutely get that.

~K

April 20, 2012 – Thank you, Theodore Geisel

I was sitting in my kitchen late Thursday night, questioning a little bit the point of this place, this blog.   This blog was designed (and I use the word ‘designed’ very loosely!) with the intent of trying to make myself better aware of just how wonderful life is.   No more, no less.  It’s quite simply a gratitude journal. 

You see, this isn’t me trying to tell you how to live or how to think or what to say-   funny enough, it’s far more selfish than that.   It has very little to do with anyone other than me.    Maybe it should be more in depth, discreetly suggestive, … making you wonder if it’s really not all about me after all.   But it’s not.   98% of the time I’m just here, journaling about my goodness and about my efforts to find peace and recognize blessings, if you will.    The actions or reactions of others may have helped me to come to whatever place I do each day, certainly, but it’s not about anyone else at all – I promise.   It’s just me… trying to be the best me that I can be.  

So, back to Thursday night. 

I wondered to myself as I sat on my kitchen table thinking I’d never write here again… why then on a blog?   If it’s really all about me, then why not in a journal tucked into a dresser drawer somewhere?   Why blog it, where it can be really, publicly read?

Really, the answer to that is twofold.   One is that very few people are going to read this just because it’s public-  there’s far more well written and interesting things to read online than my gratitude journal, or any blog I could write for that matter.  Second,  I am not even remotely ‘advertising’ this to people.   Because it’s personal.  And it took a lot of courage.  And sometimes I say the eff word.   And to some none of that is flattering.  And really… because again, -  it’s just about me.

So while I was drinking more wine than I should have and wondering if I should ever write again and questioning all the decisions I was making in my life and worrying about how I was coming off here and elsewhere to others, I looked up and saw this chair in the corner of my kitchen.   

I guess you could call it an art project - my kids and I did this one sunny afternoon two years ago now, while my grandfather was dying 600 miles away.    The kids were smaller and both at home with me and I was so sad and confused and unsure of what to do with myself, dealing with the impending loss of someone so important to me.   It was then that I got up, got them dressed and grabbed some paints.   The three of us went to the front yard, turned some music on loud, took most of the furniture from our kitchen into the front yard and had some “art therapy”.   And I’m glad… because it was this same art therapy, so to speak, that spoke to me on Thursday night.   Painted onto the back of my kitchen chair was this….

 “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” – Dr. Suess

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And just like that… with my painted kitchen chair -… I decided to keep on writing.  

~K

April 19, 2012- Step by Step

"Wow, Mama,  you be the best builder ever!"  

This comment came from my four year old son as I painstakingly built his one million part matchbox race car set this afternoon.  

You see, after we opened it and after I realized I had gotten myself into something far more than I had intended with this set, I began to break the news to him that we should probably wait until his daddy came home to finish this project.  

But then, the look in his eyes instantly showed his disappointment, upon which I knew what must be done.  I changed my afternoon plans and hunkered down with pages of directions and nothing more than the will to somehow or other turn these little baggies full of plastic parts and sheets of coordinating stickers eventually into something that resembled a race track.

And it was then, as things were starting to take form, that he leaned over, hugged me and offered the above compliment.... and funny enough, it was then too, that I'd forgotten what my previous afternoon plans were after all.

~K

April 18, 2012- Estrogen

An evening with intelligent, interesting, beautiful,
funny, honest women and a bottle of wine.

Combine this with a husband and children who encourage
me to enjoy this goodness.

And you have me ... a very lucky girl.

~K

April 17, 2012 - I Spy

This is the view from my front door today.   If you look closely you will see what the camera didn't pick up as well as I'd like but is crystal clear on my glass.   Do you see it?  Four little sun screened hand prints, about 3 feet up from the floor.   

Can you imagine what I did when I found these there next to a wet bathing suit clad boy?

If your guess is kiss that baby boy, take a photo and most definitely not clean the glass... then you're right. 

Moments in time today.

April 16, 2012- Happy Birthday

My kids and I sat around the breakfast table today and
called to sing happy birthday to my grandmother.

We then passed the phone around between my husband
and I and then to my children -  we watched while they
giggled and laughed with and sang to their great grandmother.

To say that I don't understand what a true privilege and
blessing it is for all of us to have this experience would
be an understatement.

I'm so grateful for moments like these.

Happy Birthday, Nana!  We love you.

April 15, 2012

Three things cannot long be hidden; the sun, the moon and the truth. ~ Buddha

Love this quote.  So true.  And... look who's adding photos!  
~K

April 14, 2012 - What to say?

It's been soooo long since I've written.  Not here or over here even. 

Lots of little reasons.  Yet no good reasons.  Life getting busy.  Staying busy.
New Mac that I can't upload pics with or copy too much.   Note to self
to do the tutorials.  

Since I've last written, the tulip tree has bloomed and then frosted and
fallen, cutting the season shorter than I like.   The grass has turned from
brown to green, and our garden has been planted.   I watch the birds
from my feeders each morning and smile as they play in the yard in
pairs.   The dogwood sprouted buds and petals and is now lush and full.

Grandparents have visited and times have been wonderful.  We played
and laughed and shared and loved.   Recently, we were so blessed with
a team of medical doctors in the right place at the right time utilizing their
talent and skill in such a way to preserve what is most precious to us.  And
what more to be grateful for than this?

The kids are thriving and learning, both in and out of their classroom and
we are focusing on doing just that, - focusing - here more.  We have become
softball and tee ball parents and though my backside gets sore, I've found
that sitting on metal bleachers in the sun watching my sweet children is a
wonderful way to spend a spring afternoon.

A week away in the mountains was exactly what we needed (if I knew
how to post pictures, I'd have a weeks supply of amazing views and
plenty of little smiles... give me a minute and I'll get it figured out)

So much has been happening and so much to be thankful for.   I'm here
as an April resolution to be here more- to remember how wonderful
this space is and how valid it is in taking note of all that is good in our life.

The first night of our mountain trip, I looked around at this amazing life
we have created, with healthy, thriving children and a loving home... and
like the lyrics of a song I enjoy, the chorus came to me as so appropriate-

"I could not ask for more..."

And that was it-  life is too good.  So much to be grateful for.  I intend to
take note of that more often.

January 19, 2012- All over again

I've had a post that means a lot to me, to write.  And so I'm behind, but I've waited to be able to give this one the attention that it deserved.


::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  


My daughter is home for a morning from school for a doctor's appointment.   This little girl these days seems so uncomfortably, yet beautifully stuck in a world living somewhere between big kid and little kid.   She is so smart, and curious and loving.   Additionally, she is asking hard questions, finding parameters and boundaries and trying to understand social dynamics and peer relationships.    It's such a tough spot and sometimes it feels like we're doing things right while other times I feel so completely helpless, like I'm just sitting on my hands desperately wanting to do what's right and also to just stop the inevitable and rewind; the inevitable, of course, being just simply, her growing up.


This morning, we walked together into the doctor's office and I took note of how she grabbed my hand, skipping alongside me as we entered.   Wonderful moments that used to be everyday and are now just a little less often.  


She stops me and points to a large sign with a man in a suit on it.   The words around it indicate it is a welcome sign for a new doctor.

"Mama?  What's that?" she says, pointing to the sign.

"It's just a sign, baby."  

My mind is somewhere else.  Probably on finding out exactly where we are supposed to be as I've just realized we are in the wrong doctor's office and now late to our scheduled appointment.  She is persistent and curious...

"But, mama... who is that on the sign?  Who is that person?" 

"Uh...you know,  I don't really know honey.   It looks like he's a new doctor here."

I'm trying to usher her out quickly, thinking already of how to find an address to our next stop and how we are new patients and certainly not ten minutes early to fill out paperwork as we had planned.

"Mama?   What's a car... cardio, um... cardio electrolllooogissst? "

I stop and take a deep breath.   Focus on her and try to see what it is she's talking about.

"What, love?  What are you asking me?

I see quickly it's still about the sign.  I stop, look at the suited man closer and see the words under him say that he is a cardio electrologist (whatever that is) and sure enough they are welcoming him to the practice.

"That says cardio electrologist, Peanut.   See,  that's his job -   he must be a new doctor here and they are using this sign to welcome him.    You know,  Baby, maybe you could be a cardio electrologist when you grow up.  What do you think?   I'm not sure what a cardio electrologist does,  but it is a doctor who I bet has something to do with the human heart."

I'm often terribly hard on myself and this moment is no different.   Instantly, I'm mentally reprimanding myself wondering why I didn't just go there to begin with.  Answer her question.  Apply it.  Give her information.  


But before I could be too harsh with my own faults, she interrupts my thoughts and answers my question.

"You know, I just may do that.  Daddy told me a bedtime story last night about a beautiful little girl who grew up and became a surgeon.   He told me I could be anything I wanted to be, - even a surgeon, mama!" 

::::::::::::::::

And, well... that's it.    All over again.   In this moment, I fell in love completely with this man, her daddy, -  all. over.  again.  


We want to give our children everything.  To be everything for them.   It is in these moments that I realize I cannot ever do it all or be it all.   And it is also at these times -  and so many others -  when I find myself  beyond grateful that my daughter has a daddy who also guides her gently through in between land; who tucks her in at night with her stuffed animals and baby blanket all the while effortlessly telling her bedtime stories of little girls who can grow up to be not only princesses but also beautiful surgeons.  


~K

  

January 18, 2012 - Because it only makes sense...

... to smile and to be grateful for a 70 degree day at the park with nothing to do but play with your children.

And to consider this surprise happening mid January makes the awareness just that much better.

My smile for today.

~K

January 16, 2012 – Thank you, Sir

‎"Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better." - Martin Luther King, Jr

 

Thank you, Sir… for your dream.   Thank you Sir, for believing what was possible and for modeling how to behave.  And thank you, Sir, for my daughter’s bedtime story tonight.

Before she went off to bed tonight, I called her to me and she curled into my lap.   There she sat in her flannel pajamas and we held hands and watched this speech together.  

Thank you, Sir, for making the world a better place for which my children will grow.

~K

January 12, 2012

"Everyone is a genius.   

But if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree,   

then it will live it's entire life believing it is stupid."   

- Albert Einstein 

I love this and I believe this.

My high point for today is that my daughter's teacher shared this with me.  I feel so grateful that someone else who understands and believes this is also the person who daily has such a large influence upon the life of my child.

~K

January 11, 2012 - Grace

‎ 

"Grace is the beauty of form under the influence of freedom." 

~Friedrich Schiller

Love this.

~K

January 10, 2011 - Nana

That's it for today.

Nana.

As in, "Mama can I pweese have a nana?

As in, "I weally wuv nanas"

I know soon, he'll  realize that it's not a
nana and really, he's leaving the all
important 'ba' out of it.

But until then, my smile for today came from
nana.   It's a little thing, but one of those everyday
moments I am grateful to have and one that I want to
notice, take in and then let sit for as long as I possibly
can.

January 9, 2012 - Joy

“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” ~Marianne Williamson

~K 

January 8, 2012 - Sunshine and Daydreams

Rock climbing, fairy hunting, tree hugging, boardwalk running, lizard finding fun-

Sunshine and daydreams... all day long.

~K

January 7, 2012 - Saturday morning

I sit cross legged on the floor of our main room and can't help but to notice
the dust coating everything so clearly as the sun shines through the blinds
behind me.

It's ten am Saturday morning.  The kids have just eaten breakfast, far too late.
The dog decided to poop on the floor before we woke and my daughter
has inadvertently stepped in it.   I'm using brown sugar in my coffee as a last
option for sweetener because we need to go to the grocery desperately.
The floor around me is covered in matchbox cars and fire trucks.   An unopened marker
sits on the fabric of my footstool and construction equipment flash
cards have spilled and are scattered down the stairs while he whines
noisily for someone to help him pick them up.

It's so loud.  Along with his pleas coming from the stairs,  the sounds of bad
cover music for already bad music is blaring through a wii dance video as she
stomps and sings with glee, lyrics she shouldn't know but is still reading along
to happily and far too well.

And me?   I'm still wearing my pajamas.   I smell like carpet
cleaner.  And I'm sitting on the floor, overwhelmed at the dust and the
disarray around me.

And then something inside quietly tells me to stop.  To take notice of the sounds,
the dirt, the toys, the voices.   Because this something tells me that as
disorganized as it feels right this minute, one day, long from now,
I will remember this spot on the floor and this chaotic Saturday morning
and realize it is probably one of the best moments of my life.

~K

January 6, 2012 - And then I will quietly hope they listen...

My daughter has been interested in religion these days,
wanting to learn about the differences in denominations
and what each church believes in and stands by.

She also is noticing a lot about the political nominations,
asking about the two major political parties
and wanting us to please explain each's viewpoints.

These are the more difficult moments of parenting, not covered
in the "I'm Expecting a Baby" books.   These are the things
that how you opt to handle them will help to develop the kind
of not only child, but person, they could end up becoming.

::::::::::::::::::::

I think hard after her questions and choose carefully my response to
these questions, to both her now and to one day soon, my son...

Whether it be friends you associate with, the partner you choose,
the church you attend (or don't)  or political party you support (or
don't),  always choose the one that in your heart of hearts, in those
quiet moments with just you and your internal thoughts, makes you
feel certain you're choosing what's right.


When it comes to choosing friends, or a partner, make sure you choose
to surround yourself with people who make you smile & who make you 
better.  Find people who will care for you both when you're up & when you're down.
These will be the ones who are first to your house when there's a party with
food and drink and also first to your house when there's a moving truck
and boxes to load.  They'll also be the ones you visit with until the wee hours
of the morning, laughing until your bellies hurts together and the ones who show up 
with dinner and and a hug on those moments that for whatever life's reasons, you
are unable to do for yourself.  And these people will do this before you even 
consider asking.


In day to day life, try to be kind to all people, all the time.  
Join people and places and groups that do the same.   
Don't accept anything less.


Try not to judge.   It's ugly and the bottom line is most people are doing
the best they can with what they've been given.  Don't judge, and please 
don't ever presume you are better than another person, for you've only

walked one, very lovely road, my sweet children, and unfortunately, that's

not the only road.  Please always remember and be fully aware of this.  If

you are not, then I have not done my job.

Love each other, and know that you are beyond wonderful with

so much to offer this world.

:::::::::::::::::::::

And so, sweetheart, find a church, a political party, a spouse, your

friends by these standards and not by labels of any sort.   Choose for

yourself - you will know it's right because your heart will tell you.   

I trust that you will be just fine.

Thoughts for today~

~K

January 5, 2012 - LOVE

He just turned four.

He wrote this himself.  And taped it to my washing machine.

That's it.  The most important things in life, right?    

~K

January 3, 2012

"Mama!!!   I wuuvv you!!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::


He yells for me from wherever he may be.  When I answer,
this is his standard response.  I wuv you.

Easily fifteen times a day.   It never gets old.

And for that, I am beyond grateful.

~K

January 2, 2012

You've heard of over scheduling?

Our day was the opposite.  Nowhere to
be at all.

Today was full of lots of laziness,
lots of giggles, lots of hugs.

Fire in the fireplace, football on the television and
family cuddled up on the couch.

Relaxing decompression after the hustle of the
holidays and before the new year gets going in full
force.

It worked very well ~

~K

January 1, 2012

Happy New Year~

Today celebrates the third year of 365.  Wahoo!

We spent last night with family, laughing and loving, accepting and
celebrating each other as we planned for the next year together.

Today, the first year of 2012 was filled with peacefulness and laughter,
family and sunshine and not a moment of anything less.   This is exactly
how I want to begin ...

I'm ready for a new year and excited for the possibilities~

K

December 31, 2011

My daughter was helping me to put away holiday decorations this morning
in the attic and she asked me if I could go through the old baby clothes with her and get
her some 'newborn' outfits for her stuffed animals.

She's been asking me this for a while and I've been procrastinating after each request.
My 'to do' list is long today but I sat down and slowly unboxed baby clothes.  So
many memories came flooding back and as it always amazes me that either of these
big kids in my house now were ever 8-12 pound newborns.

I gently touched all the embroidery on the little dresses and remembered her as she
wore them.  Then I inhaled deeply into his teddy bear onesies, in hopes of gathering
a scent him as he once was, just a bundle in my arms.

As I sat and sulked in the bittersweetness of the events, I heard her downstairs excitedly
going into her room and talking...

"Hey there, Bowie!  Wait until you see how your tail fits perfectly into this one!"  and then
just as enthusiastically, "Mr. Lumpy, you are going to look just fantastic in this one!"

She's talking to her stuffed animals as she dresses them in the clothes I had just given her.  
She's being seven.  And it's beautiful.

It was then that I realized that while missing all that has gone far too fast, I need to remember
to enjoy 7 and him 4.   Seven and four are cool~  different, but equally important and just
fantastic.

So, here's to a new year~

My resolutions are to write more, laugh more, do more yoga and more of anything for that matter
that makes me happy.   I want to continue photography and may start canning and even camping.  I want to deliberately spend more time on the beach and in the mountains.  

I want to say yes more and no less - to my children, to challenges, to experiences.    I want to make an effort of surrounding myself with people and situations who make me laugh and who better me as a person.  I want to be around people who make me think, question, laugh and smile.   I want to develop a circle of acceptance and love around us and our children, a place where there is little room for negativity or for judgement.

And there... I want to continue to grow along with them... and to not miss a moment along the way.

Happy New Year~   K