April 20, 2012 – Thank you, Theodore Geisel

I was sitting in my kitchen late Thursday night, questioning a little bit the point of this place, this blog.   This blog was designed (and I use the word ‘designed’ very loosely!) with the intent of trying to make myself better aware of just how wonderful life is.   No more, no less.  It’s quite simply a gratitude journal. 

You see, this isn’t me trying to tell you how to live or how to think or what to say-   funny enough, it’s far more selfish than that.   It has very little to do with anyone other than me.    Maybe it should be more in depth, discreetly suggestive, … making you wonder if it’s really not all about me after all.   But it’s not.   98% of the time I’m just here, journaling about my goodness and about my efforts to find peace and recognize blessings, if you will.    The actions or reactions of others may have helped me to come to whatever place I do each day, certainly, but it’s not about anyone else at all – I promise.   It’s just me… trying to be the best me that I can be.  

So, back to Thursday night. 

I wondered to myself as I sat on my kitchen table thinking I’d never write here again… why then on a blog?   If it’s really all about me, then why not in a journal tucked into a dresser drawer somewhere?   Why blog it, where it can be really, publicly read?

Really, the answer to that is twofold.   One is that very few people are going to read this just because it’s public-  there’s far more well written and interesting things to read online than my gratitude journal, or any blog I could write for that matter.  Second,  I am not even remotely ‘advertising’ this to people.   Because it’s personal.  And it took a lot of courage.  And sometimes I say the eff word.   And to some none of that is flattering.  And really… because again, -  it’s just about me.

So while I was drinking more wine than I should have and wondering if I should ever write again and questioning all the decisions I was making in my life and worrying about how I was coming off here and elsewhere to others, I looked up and saw this chair in the corner of my kitchen.   

I guess you could call it an art project - my kids and I did this one sunny afternoon two years ago now, while my grandfather was dying 600 miles away.    The kids were smaller and both at home with me and I was so sad and confused and unsure of what to do with myself, dealing with the impending loss of someone so important to me.   It was then that I got up, got them dressed and grabbed some paints.   The three of us went to the front yard, turned some music on loud, took most of the furniture from our kitchen into the front yard and had some “art therapy”.   And I’m glad… because it was this same art therapy, so to speak, that spoke to me on Thursday night.   Painted onto the back of my kitchen chair was this….

 “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” – Dr. Suess

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

And just like that… with my painted kitchen chair -… I decided to keep on writing.  

~K