January 31, 2010 -

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow.  The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.  - Abraham Lincoln

I can type these  inspirational thoughts each day and I can keep acknowledging daily appreciation and positivity, and that’s really nice and sometimes difficult, but it is not what really matters.   What most counts is our actions.   Who we really are.   When no one is looking, in our deepest most personal thoughts, …. what is most significant is our character.

At the end of the day, I strive to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be able to sincerely be the most proud of my character.  

~K

 

January 30, 2010 – Amen!

After too many days of struggling for positivity after a diagnosis of H1N1 and swearing to myself I was surely dying, I do believe today I’ve turned a small corner.

Today,  I have a lack of energy, headache and serious nauseating feelings from the Tamiflu…. and that. is. serious. PROGRESS!!!

Amen!  I am so grateful to have stood up and fed my children lunch today.  I am thrilled at the prospect of popcorn and a movie with my husband tonight.  I am thinking of sitting on the toilet while my husband bathes them tonight and watching them splash and squeal.  And I am celebrating a stronger body than was here yesterday and hopeful for continued strength as the days go on!

~K

January 29, 2010 – Choices

I’ve come to realize that no matter what cards you’re dealt, it’s how you play them that matters.  

Life responds to the choices you make.  Some have a much easier choice, but at the end of the day, our lives will be determined by the choices, so the sooner we understand this and act, the sooner our lives can be more positive, or otherwise, if we so choose.  The point to understand, for today, is that we do have the power, we do have the control and we do have the choice. 

Some people have it terribly rough.  They have to make this choice, consciously, deliberately, each day, each hour…. and while that’s not fair,  it is still, most definitely the truth. 

~K

January 28, 2010 – Don’t just think… BE!

Ghandi said:

“My life is my message.”

It made me think.  We can read, talk, inspire, blog, complain, wish, all. day. long. 

At the end of the day, though… at the end of your days… what will matter is how you’ve lived your life.  What you’ve done.  How you’ve lived.

Let your life be your message. 

~K

January 27, 2010 – Something borrowed

For the next few days, I’m going to borrow some positivity from others… I’m under the weather and unable to do, but still feel like now, even more than ever, daily positivity should be acknowledged.

This.  Is.  Amazing.  

Helen Keller said…

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”

How true?  Sometimes life limits what we are able to do and even sometimes limits our dreams or desires.  It doesn’t mean that we can’t do something.  Do something.  Do it well.  Do it to your best ability.  Today.

~K

January 26, 2010 – Lofty Goals

“A year from now, you may wish you had started today.” Robert Schuller

I liked this.  It is applicable to so many situations, so many changes that may seem insurmountable today.  Applying this quote, or thought to these changes takes some of the hugeness away from it and makes it easier to grasp.

So whatever goal you have today that may seem lofty or unattainable, get started on it.  You’ve got to start somewhere… and think where you’ll be in a year from now… think where you’ll be if you make the change and then again if you don’t.

~K

January 25, 2010

Okay, so I’m actually writing this on the morning of the 26th, which technically means I screwed up… here’s the lesson:  know when to say when.

Know when is enough for you.  Because to continue to push on past that will not be helpful to anyone, least of all yourself.

I have the flu… or some variation of it, consisting of a 101 fever.  I remembered, after 3 hours at Urgent Care and while shivering with hot tea and a raging fever that I hadn’t done the post for the day.   And then I went to sleep.  It was time to throw in the towel for the day.  That’s okay.   I’m better today for it.

Know when to say when.

Peace of Mind 365 took a backseat last night.   BUT… I’ll be back up today for today’s post.   And I promise it won’t be the upside of having the flu.

~K

January 24, 2010 – Whistle While You Work

As I sit to type today, I try to take the time to be grateful and to notice things of certain importance.  I want to sit and ponder, to write and to notice.

What I find, instead, is my husband, who is attempting to work (yes, it’s 11:00pm) in the next room.  I’m distracting him.  I can tell (and have been told).

And so, while there may have been a time this would have irritated me, I think today I will learn from those mistakes and do differently.

On this eve of a Monday morning, when many will grumble back into workweeks, I will sign off short today and be grateful for simply employment.   Because it’s not so simple.  Times are tough and having employment is also now a privilege.  Rather than grumble over the work, the time of day, the need for me to be silent …. I will stop and be thankful for this struggle we are without, even if it means that our family’s Sunday was disturbed from usual plans or my quiet evening writing time must be shortened.

If you are also so privileged, please take notice as your workweek starts.  Change your perspective, consider the alternative, be aware and positive and see how that may change your week, or at least your morning.

~K  

January 23, 2010 – Begin to Change

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”  - Ghandi

Think of this, or at least I’m attempting to, as I try to better and more frequently remember and practice appreciation and positivity and try to more often make choices that squelch and reduce frustration and negativity.

Peace.  Positivity.

It’s got to start somewhere.   Let it start in your home.  

~K

January 22, 2010 - Say Cheese!

Take time today to notice smiles…

Smiles of your children, smiles of your neighbors… the smiles you share with others.  Try it in the grocery, leaving the gas station, walking through town.  Let the first thing your children see in the morning be your smile.

Just see what happens…

~K

January 21, 2010 – Decisions

Today I decided to have a wonderful day with my children.  No matter what.  Despite the fact that one has been sick for four days and the other may now be getting the bug, I will have a good day.  Regardless of the fact my husband worked late and would not be home for dinner, I will have a good day.   Nevermind that it’s been cold and rainy out, I will still have a good day.

And you know what?  If you deliberately make that choice and keep it in the forefront of your mind throughout day, it’s all very possible.  Much easier than you’d think, in fact.  (Well, except for that witching hour between 4-6…. things still get hairy then, but still… a conscious choice of positivity beats out the rest).

I think I’ll try it again tomorrow.

~K

January 20, 2010 – Ten dollars

I gave ten dollars to Haiti relief efforts yesterday.  

What does that really mean?   It means as I was doing my weekly grocery shopping and checking out, the clerk asked me if I’d like to donate to the Haiti relief efforts and I said yes and onto my bill, ten dollars was added.

I secretly wonder if it will even make it.    Or if it will get washed away in hidden fees and processing.  I feel bad that all I gave was ten dollars.  Maybe I should have given more…. I probably should have given more.  Can ten dollars even begin to touch or to help? 

Rather than focusing on that, I will think differently and I will ….

-  hope that those ten dollars provided ten gallons of clean water for the dehydrated mothers and fathers crying in the heat for their missing children.

-  pray that those ten dollars went to disease prevention for the little ones left behind in the rubble with nothing sanitary or preventative to keep them from becoming ill.

-  want those ten dollars to go towards rebuilding areas and providing families with a safe place to rest for at least a moment.

So, rather than worrying about the negative, instead of being skeptical about hidden fees or questioning percentages, I will rather,  pray for these people struggling and I will hope  for my ten dollars to reach them in a positive form.   And rather than wonder if it was enough, too little of a donation to be significant, I will know that it was ten dollars more than before I walked into my grocery store.  

I will hope and pray for these people.  I will be extra grateful for my home… it’s roof, our meals, a glass of clean water and a daily shower.   These everyday items will be acknowledged and appreciated.   And the next time I’m able, I’ll donate again.  This is what I can do.  This is the positivity even in the face of such crisis.

~K

January 19, 2010 – Keeping my Cup Half Full

I’m having a difficult time today with positivity.  I’ve got a sick child, I’ve been stuck inside all day and have been worried about my baby.

Having said that, today is just a challenge, and just what this whole 365 is about, changing perspective, noticing what is good more than focusing on what is not good.

I’m thankful that tomorrow I will take her to a pediatrician who will take care of us both.   And I’m thankful that this is a temporary virus and not a major life challenge.  

So many parents are facing so much worse than this little tummy bug that’s got me all in shambles.  The positivity of today is that I’m nowhere near there.  Tonight I will pray for them first… for their peace of mind and for their babies.  Then I will pray for mine and be grateful for what it isn’t, rather than negatively focusing on what it is.

~K

January 18, 2010- He Had A Dream…

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day.   We enjoyed a family day, appreciated the three day weekend and relished in extra time together playing, loving, laughing….

But today did not go by without many thoughts as to why we were enjoying the long weekend.   It started with my five year old waking me early to remind me of the significance of today, pointing out Dr. King’s picture in one of her storybooks.   We were celebrating  today and remembering.  We were acknowledging the amazing courage of a man, a man who became a leader with a positive vision backed with a message of peace and non violence.  

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream.   Because of his dream, our world is changed.   Because of his dream, my kindergartener sits with her best friend, a beautiful brown skinned child, each day in class and at lunch.  I am so thankful for his dream and for his actions.  Because of what he stood for, my children will never understand why it seemed unthinkable for a man named Barack Obama to become the President of the United States or why is was breathtaking to see it actually happen.   Courtesy of Dr. King, each generation is bred with more and more individuals who truly practice judging others based only upon the quality of their character and not upon the color of their skin.  

Thank you,  Dr. King.  Because of your dreams, I am a better person, raising my children to be better people living in a better world.

~K

January 17, 2010 – Picture Perfect

This is where I spent the day…. it’s kind of hard not to be appreciative when surrounded by all of this.  It absolutely rejuvenates my soul, eases my mind and provides me with an abundance of gratitude…..

 

 

 

So many, many things to be grateful for.   What an easy way to appreciate beauty and relish in positivity.  

~K

January 16, 2010 – A Spoonful of Sugar…

…helps the medicine go down, the medicine go dooowwwn, medicine go down!

Something like that, anyway.  Today, we made the dreaded trek to the pediatricians office for the H1N1 vaccine.  While the process is quick and really relatively painless, the anxiety in my kids, the waiting in the office, the scheduling inconvenient in the middle of  long weekend and the holding down of my kids while they scream is purely awful.

The alternative, however,  is a hospitalized, feverish, very ill child… in a good scenario.   While every person has the right to decide whether or not this vaccine and any vaccine for that matter, is for them and for their children, I am so grateful that we live in a country where if we choose to vaccinate, the vaccines are plentiful.   A society where most disease is preventable.   A culture where we have clean, modern offices to take our children to receive these medical services.

Thinking of all this makes me also very painfully aware and compelled to acknowledge that not all children in this country have the same basic rights as mine did today.   While this isn’t the platform for that debate, it does stir up some questioning.  To me, it just doesn’t make basic sense, not any way you cut it or justify it.  But….

what this blog, IS about, is a special place for me to acknowledge gratitude and to embrace gratefulness .   Today, I am grateful for our vaccines, for clean clinics, for disease prevention… and most of all, for two healthy beautiful children, sleeping soundly with their band-aids the only evidence of our afternoon.  

Oh, that, and the chocolate mustaches that colored each of their little faces after we bribed them with ice cream cones for good behavior during flu shots!  I’m thankful for the ice cream too.  :)

~K

January 15, 2010 – It’s about time!

Tonight is ‘date night’.   The last time we had ‘date night’ was 2004.  Really.  Years overdue.   We’re not doing anything special, just going to enjoy an evening of normal activities without children, or rather, just with us, while my dear friend stays with our children.   

So, today, I’m grateful for this allotted time.  And I have to get ready.  So I can’t write anymore.  :)

~K

January 14, 2010 – Just fine, thank you

Today, I’m grateful for a day that was just fine.  We’ve no major problems and no major worries.  And those things are often overlooked and taken for granted.   I’m not doing that today.  I am going to take notice of a ‘just fine’ day and appreciate it.   It’s a fantastic place to be.

The alternative would be terrible… and be noticed.   Why not take the time to notice the good in our life?  I will for today and for many more days to come, I hope.

~K

January 13, 2010 – The Missing Piece

I went to the dentist this morning.  Never mind that this is a huge phobia of mine or that I had to get three shots of novocaine or that my entire day has been marred by the event.  Never mind all of that, because, in the midst of all of this, this early morning chaos,- oddly enough,- through my visit to the dentist, I found exactly what it was that I was immensely grateful for. 

I came home from my appointment, sore and numb.  I was grouchy and sleepy.  My two year old ran to me.  He’d missed me.  I picked him up and held his face against mine in a deep hug.   And then…. I felt the emptiness.  I realized that I couldn’t feel his face.   Sure, temporary novocaine is all it was, and it would certainly wear off by lunchtime, but I found myself turning to the other cheek, hungry for the feel of his soft baby face against mine.

It was one of those weird moments where you don’t realize what a huge pleasure and privilege it is, to touch your children… to feel their sweet little skin against yours.  What an immense loss it would be to not be afforded this wonderful experience, so easily overlooked until it is missing.  I instantly KNEW this was my moment for the day.  

Thankfully, as I type, though my jaw is still sore, my cheeks are again full of feeling and ready for some little people hugs!

~K

January 12, 2010 – For the Love of Friends

Today, without any planning, I had a date with two girlfriends.    Oh, and our six kids…. how could I forget?

We got together, completely spur of the moment, and played… laughed…. talked…. passed time during “that time of day” … the time that can often draaagggg on? 

These weren’t just any girlfriends… this was special.  This was the kind of afternoon where you could just sit and relax.  Where you could confess insecurities, curse freely and hug upon entrance and exit.   Where the love of children is sincere and shared among the six and the appreciation of the adult time is equally understood.

Girlfriends like these have the ability to refresh your spirit, give you stomach pains from laughter and remind you that you’re all in the same boat, just trying to stay afloat.  Parenting isn’t easy, adult friendships can be tricky, life ebbs and flows…. but these afternoons are some of the high points.

I’m so grateful for these girls…. what an easy day for positivity and appreciation.

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Oh yeah…. and a pretty cool delivery today, too.  You wouldn’t believe the smiles!

The little things, each day… if each person just took the time, it could change the world. 

Not to mention, it felt great!  

~K

January 11, 2010 – Of Books and Such

My children and I went to the fire department last week.  Not only were we in awe of these courageous men and women and what they willingly sacrifice for us each day, there was also something else there that I noticed, more than the hoses, the ladders and the uniforms.  I saw a huge bin in the corner of the fire museum.  Upon closer look, I saw that the firefighters were collecting gently used books to donate to children in our community who didn’t have the advantages that mine do.

Both of my kids love to read and we come from a family of others who also share the love of reading.   As that, we have so many great books and are always going to the bookstore and the library for fun, encouraging this love of reading and literature.

Today, I went through the little one’s room and the playroom and gathered books for the bin.   When my 5 year old came home from school I gave her a basket and asked her to pick 20 books that she doesn’t read anymore to share with children who may not have books.  And here’s my gift:   She got it!   No complaints, no questions.   She took her time, went to her room and counted out 20 books to fill the basket and to share with others!

By the end of the day, I had filled an entire laundry basket with books.  Tomorrow, my son and I will return to the fire department… to give back.   What an great lesson to give to my children and how amazing it felt to see them start to comprehend that there are others outside of themselves who may be in need.  

Not a bad day…. not a bad day at all.  Lesson learned.

~K

January 10, 2010 –

Today, we passed a gentleman on the road.   He held a sign that said, ‘hungry’.  It was 36 degrees outside.   I talked my husband into taking  the change from our car, we went to McDonald’s and bought  a double cheeseburger and fries.  

I felt like beyond being grateful and noticing goodness each day,  I should also try to incorporate passing along goodness to others.   If EVERYONE made a conscious choice to do one small thing each day, can you imagine how we could change the world?   So, for today… this positivity went towards feeding another who was hungry.

Read on… it wasn’t that simple.

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The catch:

Upon returning to this gentleman’s spot, he was no longer there.   This was a matter of ten minutes.   However, in his spot, oddly enough, was an equally needy gentleman, or at least according to his sign.   The second gentleman got the burger and fries.

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The confusion:

We felt it especially important to show our children how you should share with others less fortunate.   We discussed empathy and struggle with them.

My five year old in the backseat asked where this man lived.   We told her he was probably homeless and what that meant.  She responded with ‘if you want to be rich, you must work hard’.   We were glad she knew this.   We explained that we also believe this is true.   We also explained that for some, it isn’t that easy and  that some people are at a disadvantage, and it doesn’t hurt to help others even if it were the case that he didn’t want to work hard.

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The reflection:

Upon receipt of the burger, this gentleman, if I’m  being honest, didn’t seem as appreciative as I would have thought, well, considering he was holding a sign begging for food and all.   And, the car ahead of us did give him cash.   At first, it kind of felt a little less good, this giving of lunch, than I’d anticipated it would.  I wondered if we’d been taken advantage of.  

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Who’d have thought so many thoughts and stages and emotions would have gone into giving a guy a burger?  I certainly didn’t.

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The conclusion:

Regardless of whether or not this man had a home or not, regardless of whether or not he had (probably) more money in his pockets than we had in our car, regardless of whether or not he had a job, wanted a job, or would work at a job if given the opportunity, the fact remains….   it was 36 degrees outside.   He was stripped of his dignity, standing on an interstate off ramp, holding a cardboard sign begging others.

He was at a disadvantage.  No question.  

It cost us $2.18 and hopefully taught our children a lesson in charity and in empathy.  It obviously taught us more than we bargained for.

~K  

January 9, 2010 – Lullabies

Today’s note is slightly more superficial.  It’s not to be misread into ungratefulness, but only to point out that we’re all human.  We can’t all skip around, grateful for air and butterflies all day long.  Not if we’re really being truthful.   Today’s post is casual.  It’s half serious.  But it’s also honest.   And if I’m going to do this every day,  well, ‘mama said there’d be days like this’…

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Bedtime.

Today was a long, cold day here.   My kids are pent up like a litter of Labrador puppies, full of energy and unable to run and play.   They’re fighting.  Squealing.  Whining.

It’s a little hard to sit and think.  Especially because as I’m writing this they are screaming and chasing each other in circles around me, one on a plastic motorcycle and the other with a musical instrument in hand.

And so, for today I am thankful for… bedtime!  That’s right, bedtime, when these wild little monkeys can finally unwind and get the rest they need.   When the energetic squealing slowly relaxes into warm bellies and nighttime lullabies.   Bedtime, where the arguing and fussing dissipates into snuggling and suckling and when these wild little monkeys metamorphose into peacefully sleeping angelic cherubs and we all get to refresh again until morning. 

~K

January 8, 2010 – Fuzzy little things

It’s cold outside.  Very cold.  And while I am really trying to focus on appreciating the diligent efforts of the sun each day, I also will not deny that when I’m moving from home to car, I am stern face, straight ahead, getting kids out of the house and into heated cars as quickly as possible.

As I was getting my two year old into the car, I heard a sound next to our house.   I recognized the sound and stopped.  Looked at my son.  Pointed the squirrel, a lone soldier in the old trees out to my son.   I watched his bright eyes as he searched the skies and the huge oak tree and then finally as his face lit up when he spotted the fuzzy little tail bouncing from branch to branch.   I smiled as he squealed and pointed.  I laughed in gratitude as he yelled  in the unforgettable sing songy voice that only a toddler possesses, ‘There he is, mama!  Thereheis!”

For today, I’m thankful for this squirrel.   This brave little fellow, daring enough to withstand the elements, energetic and bold enough to brighten our afternoon.  These usual things, every day occurrences have the ability to carry so much more if we only take the time to stop and to recognize what is so often around us. 

Thank you, my squirrel friend, for lighting up our day.   Please come back soon, for we’re taking notice here these days.

~K

January 7, 2010 – 45 minutes of Peace

Today it warmed up enough for me to take my little monkeys outside.   She rode her scooter, he ‘mowed’ the driveway and we breathed fresh air.  We cleaned off the yard and walk and revitalized for just forty five minutes before heading inside for some welcoming warm soup. 

I’m very grateful for those forty five minutes.

~K

January 6, 2010

Today I am grateful for my kids.  

I’m grateful for the self confidence of one and the insecurities of another.   I’m so appreciative of his curiosity and of her enthusiasm.   The innocence and the sensitivity of them both.   The way their purity and their kindness to others is evident even in the most crazy of circumstances.   Most importantly, their health and sense of security.

I’m grateful to have the ability to sit here and to be such a huge part of the lives of these two special little beings.  What an awesome opportunity.

That’s it for today, but boy, is it something special and what an amazing honor.

~K

January 5, 2010 – Who do you want to be?

Yesterday, I took my children to the fire department for a  field trip.  A firefighter showed us around, telling me how my little ones reminded him of his three babies at home. 
This morning, my kindergartener was up and dressed, singing, hours before the start back to school, excitedly waiting to see her teacher who she missed over the holidays. 
Today, my little sister is going in for surgery.   The surgery will involve a lengthy recovery time and the help of a team of therapists. 
Tomorrow, a dear friend is having a baby.  We’re  excitedly wait for his safe  and healthy entrance.   Her obstetrician will deliver a sweet new little boy into our family and also carefully guard her health in the process.
This year, there are a couple of our family members who require the regular care of  home health and hospice nurses.  These individuals deal with us at our worst and bring peace into some of our most painful days.
And so for today, I am grateful.   For every child’s dream to become something different.   For those who give so much, because their influence changes the lives of so many.
Thank you, to our selfless firefighters, our skilled doctors and kind therapists.  Thank you to our loving teachers, our gentle hospice and home health nurses…. and more.  Thank you to all of those who make it their life’s dream and daily goal, to help us, to save us, to guide us and to ease our way. 
I am deeply grateful for each of you.
~K

January 4, 2010 – Happy Wrinkles

I’m getting wrinkles.   I suppose it’s an inevitable part of life and growing older.   Though it’s not ideal, it is reality and everyone gets wrinkles.   You can live with them, lotion them, try to remove them or ignore them… that’s really personal preference and beside the point.  

My point for today is that regardless of what I do with these newfound little friends, I first want to make sure that if they must show themselves, then they must do so as happy wrinkles… wrinkles from spending too many days smiling at my babies in the sun, from laughing until bent over with friends, from winking at my little girl as she tries something new, creases from twisting my face in funny contortions, in attempts to talk like the characters in  my son’s storybooks,  fine lines from forgetting sunglasses on years of beach walks with my husband.

Forget frown lines.  I want my face, as an aged woman to look like it’s more comfortable laughing than relaxed.   And I want my wrinkles to be a faded map proving that to be the truth.

So, for today, as I am about to leave the house with my children, I will remember how I’d like this map of mine to age…. I will remember to laugh more than I worry, encourage more than I reprimand and smile more than I frown.

~K

January 3, 2010

For today, I will focus on not focusing on negativity.  While there is evil and ugliness in our world and in others, I will try to remind myself to first continue to keep my eyes wide open for these things, especially where it concerns my children, but to also and very importantly, focus on the good in the world and in others.

So often, negativity wins attention… the child in the classroom who is acting out, the person at the party who is loudest and most inappropriate and then on a greater scale, those who are committing acts of evil and of hatred.  Aren’t those the headlines we read, remember and repeat over others?     

While being cognizant of these things is crucial to our awareness and even our well being and safety, too much so can make a person paranoid and unobservant of all that is good.

Today, I will remind myself that most people are genuine and good.   Most people are really trying to do their best, in  relationships, in parenting, in work-styles, in communications, even in driving!

What I can do and will strive to do is to acknowledge that as often as possible, and in doing so, it just may ease my stress and also perpetuate  positivity and goodwill… which, in turn, will make us all able to live and to be better.

~K

January 2, 2010

It’s cold outside.   Too cold to go out and play I think.  

I’m not a cold weather kind of person and it can really get me down, especially when accompanied with gray skies.   I will usually find myself complaining on a day like today about the frigidness of the air, preferring to stay in the heat and pretend it’s not so miserable outdoors.  I get grumpy and out of sorts, trying to shake off the cold in my mind and in my bones.

What I realize today is that it is again, a half and half kind of thing.  It’s a conscious choice I will have to make.  I can think about the temperature hovering near the freezing mark and the way my skin hurts with the wind blowing or I can choose to focus on the sun, which is shining strongly, lighting the yard and removing the gray from the skies…. forcing herself into our otherwise chilly day.

It’s a choice and a decision I will have to make…..and for today, I will make sure that my vote and my focus go to Miss Sunshine.

~K

January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!  I must admit that forcing myself to carve out a moment for this was a little harder than I thought it would be.  To begin, I thought to go ahead this morning and get on it.  Then, I figured I’d wait as the day went on…. and then, I found myself at 11:00pm, without my post.  I hope it becomes more of a routine of positivity as the time goes along.
It will be interesting to see where this goes as far as a format.  I have nothing in mind particularly, though lots of ideas pinning around, which isn’t unusual for me (and could probably be squashed with the correct prescription).   I kind of like the busyness of this, my crazy mind, though, so on I’ll continue.

This morning, I was taking down the Christmas decorations and I found myself just as excited about removing the stuff as I was two months ago putting it all up.   Now please don’t think I found positivity here and relished the moments of taking down the tree.  It simply didn’t happen.   I did notice though, as I walked through the kitchen, hurriedly cleaning, wiping, vacuuming, packing , I noticed something particularly precious.  I looked into the kid’s play area and saw my two babies, laying side by side talking.  No one had asked them to, they weren’t holding each other down… they were just loving and enjoying the moment.  A light bulb went off… this is it!  I will stop and take note.  Breathe and notice!  Well, of course I did… I even took a picture but by this time they were running off in different directions, so the photo isn’t as beautiful as the moment was and is in my mind.
So, while, this could be my minute of gratefulness, and it was, my moment for the day in positivity is in something else.
As we traveled and spent time with friends and family this holiday, it was wonderful and also rather bittersweet.   We have a close relative who is dying of a terrible disease.   We have grandparents who are here beyond their years.  Others who we have recently lost.   On top of this, we watched old home videos and I found myself choked up, noticing those who were no longer with us and wondering why.
And THIS is it…. this is my moment of the day.   It isn’t about being grateful that my kids love each other, because it was perfect in every way and precious as all get out.  It was changing the mindset and direction of my thoughts in other ways.
Thinking about our holidays, about the videos, about loss that has happened and about loss that looming, I decided that my mindset was off.  Rather than focusing on the loss, I spent a moment thinking of a really nice memory of each of those already gone.   Laughs we’d shared, talks we’d had… moments of happiness.  I stopped.  Remembered, smiled, enjoyed the memories. 
And then, I did the same for those who are still here.   I am grateful for the time spent with them over the holidays and over the years.   I am overjoyed with the time we’ve spent with my grandparents and others, who unfortunately, whether I like it or not, will probably not be with us next Christmas.
Rather than focusing on why they may not be here or when their time on Earth will no longer be, I forced myself to focus on happy times together, gratefulness for times we’ve had and currently have.
And I celebrated these times.  With myself, with private thoughts and memories and positivity.
And I’m glad that I did.  Day one, a success… a late night success, but without doubt a success.
Until tomorrow… K