April 30, 2010- Friday Night- James Taylor

Whenever I see your smiling face….

 

I have to smile myself….

Because I love you.

 

Thank you, Sweet Baby James, for these wonderful words tonight.

~K

April 29, 2010 – Delicious.

This is what I’m feeding my family these days.

And some of this…

Mixed with this…

And topped with this…

All locally grown and made within 30 miles from my home.   All with monies going back to local farmers trying to make a living growing safe and fresh produce and a local baker making fresh loaves of bread daily.

All helping my children’s minds and bodies to grow safely and naturally.

It feels good.  And tastes delicious.

~K

April 28, 2010 – Aesop’s Fables

I received this today, this poem about an ant and a grasshopper… I’m sure you’ve seen the email in circulation.  The premise is taken from the old Aesop’s fable where  the ant works hard, the grasshopper plays all summer and then they should learn to be responsible for themselves.

This was with a new little twist, talking about how now, essentially we are too ‘understanding’ or ‘liberal’ in our approach to things… how now, we would hear the grasshopper’s story, it would be on the news, there would be singing… Obama and Oprah would help.  Spare the details, the idea is here.

It’s funny to some.  Others really believe it.  While the details of my opinion of this went to a few, my real thoughts are this:

It can be an ugly and terrible danger, to ourselves and to our society, when groups of people believe that they are better than others and more deserving of basic human needs. 

We need to be careful.  We’re walking a fine line.   At the end of the day, it will come back to bite each of us.  It will hit home, every home.  It will affect families, each of our families, whether we believe it or not.

Let’s all try to practice a little bit of understanding and empathy.  I believe it would go a long way.  I believe it will help not only others but also ourselves.  I believe it will change our world.

Peace.

~K

April 27, 2010 - Finding Strength

"Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go."
~ Len Santos

I’ve written, deleted, edited, thought…. a good bit about this quote and about my interpretation of it, whether of not I fully agree (but willing to hopefully try and believe) with these words, how they apply to my life, different scenarios, etc.

And now, I’ve finished with deciding to delete all of that and leave it up to the individual, the individual mind, the individual situation.   It gave me peace, these words.  And for that, I will share it here, in hopes that maybe others as well could also find some sort of peace or thoughts in these words.

~K

April 26, 2010- Birthday Chaos!

 

Yesterday was my birthday.  We’d had a wonderful weekend, full of celebrations, cupcakes, friends and fun.  My birthday, though was Monday.  Yesterday.

Yesterday, we did nothing.  My husband was nonstop with work, from 5:50am to 11:30pm.   My daughter had school.  My son took my makeup brush and cleaned a glob of spilled toothpaste with it.  There were classes for the kids, groceries to purchase, things to do.  

It was an ordinary day in my life.  And before I can be even KIND OF bothered by that, I must realize that my ordinary days are full of healthy kids, laughs, busyness, and happy chaos.   THAT.  in and of itself.  Is more than enough to be thankful for.  THAT. in and of itself.  Is the perfect birthday gift.

Perfectly happy chaos.  An ordinary, perfect, healthy, happy, chaotic, birthday-day.   How could anyone complain?  

~K

April 25, 2010- Sleepy a day late

I am exhausted.  Spent.  Done.   Worn out.

I am all of this because of a wonderful weekend filled with well wishes, good friends, interesting conversation and fun times.

What a lucky girl.

~K

April 24, 2010 – Green Smiles all Around

Green lettuce, onions, flowers, grass.   A day in the Local Farmer’s Market with just me and my girl.  Dinner almost 100% grown by local farmers.  A feeling of satisfaction knowing I’m not putting things into my children’s bodies that have been shipped, sprayed or altered.   It calms my soul and makes my spirit smile.

And then… an evening with family and friends.  Music and conversation, drinks and smiles.

The rain is steadily flowing today, but washing away the last bits of pollen and sprucing up the yard and flowers all the same.  I’ll take it.

On my dining room table sits a huge bouquet of fresh flowers in the most beautiful vase I’ve ever seen… an afternoon surprise from my husband, who is most generally much better to me than I often deserve.

So much to be thankful for today.  So grateful for it all.

~K

April 23, 2010 – Freeze

This afternoon, I am so grateful for a soft bed, two beautiful babies, one blanket to cuddle with and Sesame Street.

Simple, but perfect.  While they watch their television show, I stare at their little hands and memorize their size.  I love how they adore each other and cuddle so easily up against one another.  I look into their little eyes and wonder about their thoughts.

And then I hug them both and remind them how much they are loved.   Today, I am thankful for these moments with my babes.  I wonder if I can close my eyes and freeze time, just like this, 2 and 5, Sesame Street and nothing else to do, cuddling together and giggles.  I know that I can’t, but what I can do, what is absolutely realistic is to notice them.  Watch them.  Love them.  Enjoy them.  Remember this moment. Acknowledge and appreciate it.  That, today, I intend to do.

~K

April 22, 2010 – Earth Day

Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realize we cannot eat money. ~Cree Indian Proverb

Do something today to protect your environment and to preserve what you can for our children and grandchildren!  No matter how big or how small, if we all just responsibly do our part, it will make a huge difference.

Happy Earth Day!

~K

April 21, 2010- Simple

Today, I am grateful that some days are easier than others.  Grief is hard.  Loss is difficult.  But sometimes, through the grace of God, or the Universe, or friends, or family… you'll have a day that you find easier than the one before.  And for that, I am today, thankful.
~K

April 20, 2010 – Unforgettable

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

- Maya Angelou

I love the wisdom of this woman.   Make someone feel good today.  It will be unforgettable.

~K

April 19, 2010 – Little Moments

Today I am thankful for the little moments… the ones that often drive me crazy… but will disappear quicker than I realize.

Today I am grateful for after dinner activities.  The time when all should be settling down, when I am exhausted, when dishes need done, and when bath time is running late and patience is running low.

These are the times when he…

Jumps on his hand painted stool and plays in the water until my counters, his shirt and my floors are soaked.   He laughs so hard and thinks he’s helping me cook.

It drives me crazy.  It was driving me crazy today as he’d spilled water all over at least 3 other times today doing this activity.   And then I took my camera and got his picture.   I wonder when this won’t be fun anymore, when he won’t even want to have dinner with us, when he’ll be quick to have other, – more pressing plans than playing in my sink.  

I am thankful for his wet mess today, my wet floors, his goofy two year old smile and dirty baby feet.  All of it.  All of his little moments.

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Today I am thankful for the little moments… the ones that often drive me crazy… but will disappear quicker than I realize.

Today I am grateful for after dinner activities.  The time when all should be settling down, when I am exhausted, dishes need done, bathtime is running late and patience is running low.

These are the times when she…

Sits on a plastic motorcycle (because I’ve hidden the piano bench) and bangs away on this pink piano from her Pop.  It is remarkably annoying and just at the wrong times.  She bangs with either hand, singing at the top of her lungs, tonight a tune about ‘the snail with the mail’.

I often find myself raising my voice to her… ‘please! not NOW!  Not the piano… it’s a crazy time!’.   Tonight, I asked her to turn and smile at me between songs so I could take her picture.   Tonight, I am relishing in the baby voice that still doesn’t pronounce ‘r's’ very well and the 5 year old mind that smiles and loves making up songs with rhymes and animals.

I am thankful that she fits on that tiny little plastic motorcycle.  Before I can blink, this prized piano will be nothing more than a makeshift side table, the little mini keys collecting dust because my ‘babies’ will have long overgrown the need to beat on it and make music after dinner.   This little girl will be way too cool for songs for mom and dad and will have events to attend and much different priorities.

I am especially glad that I’ve taken the time to appreciate all that is such a blessing right under my roof … during the craziest time of the day.

Today, I am thankful for the little moments…

~K

April 18, 2010 – Random Appreciation

Family.

Proximity.

Green grass.

Long weekends.

Princesses.

Seafood.

Health.

Happiness.

Flowers.

Family.

~K

April 17, 2010- Enough

And this was at 9:30 am.  It was enough happiness to last the whole day…

This too…

Perfect.

~K

April 16, 2010 – Mickey and Minnie and Donald, Oh My!

Yes, if you follow this… you will know that technically I missed a day!

I didn’t even realize it until this morning!

It wasn’t for a lack of appreciation… we had family date night and took the children to see Disney on Ice!   To watch them experience this, to see his baby hands clapping and singing along…. was so wonderful.  Watching her smile, convinced the princesses did see her in the crowd and wink was as wonderful and enjoyable as anything could be.

And we ended our evening late, with a Happy Birthday phone call to my grandmother on our way home.  I am especially grateful for her all days, but even more during these difficult days and I thoroughly enjoyed talking and singing to her.

So… yes, I forgot my daily Peace of Mind.  I’m glad to have done so for so many good reasons.

~K

April 15, 2010 - Living

I had an appointment this evening.  I was dressed and ready for it this afternoon.

Then I went outside with the kids… just to sit on the steps while they played.

But then we started playing word games in sidewalk chalk… and got dusty thinking together.

After that we decided to take a few bike rides up and down the little hill by my house… and we got dirty playing together.

Then for a challenge, we got the tools out… and we got silly working on things together.

We decided to remove the training wheels from a baby bike, instantly transforming it into a big girl’s bike…. and got sweaty learning to ride together.

And then… finally… I was almost late to my appointment and showed up with wet hair (because a shower was necessary)… and it was all worth it…

Because we got to share moments living together.  And that.  Is what it’s all about.   Enjoying.  Sweating.  Playing.   Being.  Living. Completely.

~K

April 14, 2010 – Favorite things

I asked my daughter before bed tonight what her favorite part of school was today and without any hesitation she smiled and replied:

“Giving my teacher lots of hugs.”

Maybe that’s it.  Maybe we sometimes overcomplicate things.  Make your day better.  Share a hug or a smile.  Reduce your thoughts to those of more simplicity and share feelings of happiness and love with others and see how that works.

Just maybe… there’s something to that.

~K

April 13, 2010 – Change

Light hearted and very true thoughts for today.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.”  ~Author Unknown

~K

April 12, 2010 – My Morning Story

I dropped my five year old off to school this morning for the first day back after Spring Break.   She was excited to be returning to school.  Before she got out of my car, I gave her my daily reminder-  slow down, walk into school, remember not to yell when you want to talk… just breathe and relax a bit, sweetie.  She reminds me of my dad.  And his dad.   Fast moving… loud.  A little much sometimes, for people to take.   A ‘bull in a china shop’ I believe is the term her teacher has used lovingly… but seriously.

And so, back to the carpool line this morning.  I gave her the morning reminder and she got out of the car.   In one ear and out the other, she must have immediately forgot and looked up at the car, yelled back at me “don’t forget reservations!!  You and me tonight, mom!  Got it?!?”   I was stifling laughter but motioning ‘shhh!"’ through the window in response.  She smiled, gave me a thumbs up and then took off --  running!

There she went … barreling down the walkway, the only child running.  I saw it.  She was running straight towards a tiny little child, just getting out of her parent’s car.  The little girl was probably about 3 years old, her hair tussled in the back, having just been roused from bed.  She was holding the hand of the school guidance counselor and was obviously much more skeptical about returning to school after the break than my bundle of happy energy.   She was precious and she was carefully and hesitantly walking, looking back over her shoulder at her parent’s car pulling away, holding tightly to the hand of the trusted adult next to her.

And here came my girl.  Barreling down…my little pigtailed bull.  Full. Speed. Ahead.  Time went to slow motion.  I had my window down behind her yelling for her to w-a-l-k.  She was in another place, not hearing me, excited about kindergarten.   And she got to the little girl.  Lo and behold, she didn’t run into her!  She ran right past her!

Then she stopped.  She turned around and walked back to the child.

I slowed my car and watched, though she didn’t know I was watching.  I saw the principal, the school nurse, and the guidance counselor also stop and watch what was happening, confused, wondering themselves.

My daughter walked up to the little girl’s face.   And she smiled and waved.  A second wave.   No response, it seemed from my angle.  Not to worry, she smiled at her again, took her hand, and walked into the school with her.

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I smiled.  That’s my girl.  I watched the principal and all the others standing outside smile as the two little girls now hand in hand, marched happily into school this morning.

If I teach her nothing at all… if she never learns to slow down or talk in a normal volume.  I will be okay.   Because, what I have learned and especially reflected upon lately is it’s not what you do when people are watching, it is what you do when you don’t know people are watching.  It’s not what you say, it’s how you act.  You actions will speak louder and last longer than anything you could ever say.

And when my sweet girl didn’t think I was watching this morning, she made me very proud to see her put into play what she knows to be right.  She was caring and kind.  She had empathy for another human being struggling.   She was a good friend and a good person.  And then again, she reminded me of my dad.  Of his dad.   She comes from generations of ‘bulls in china shops’.  Louder than most.  Faster than most.   And kinder than most, especially when no one is watching.  

My day was complete.  All of this at 7:14am.

~K

April 11, 2010 – Smile-worthy

Today was a day that had many ‘smile-worthy’ moments…

Sharing a flower with my girl.   She makes me smile.

How could you not?

Mounds of verbena growing like weeds…

Watching him learn to smell flowers

and then wrinkle that baby nose…. 

Lots of springtime moments to stop and acknowledge today and smile…. if just for a moment.  Wonderful moments.

~K

April 10, 2010 – Artwork

We got home from a vacation today.  I’m still not as perky as I’d like… a little crabby, really. 

We pulled onto our street and….. oh, my….  it looks as though God had been painting.   Azaleas are blooming…everywhere.   Dogwoods in full bloom, wisteria hanging from the trees, the grass suddenly green.  An absolute rainbow of colors and flowers.   In one week’s time.  Full bloom.  Beautiful.  Breathtaking.

And… to top it off, plenty of mowing and blowing of pollen needed around the house.  Funny enough, because it was just what I needed too.   I plugged my ipod in very loud, turned on the backpack blower and went to town.

Trying to find peace and make sense of things within God’s painted rainbow this afternoon.   Ah-Choo!  :)

~K

April 9, 2010 – Focus

Sometimes life surprises you with curve balls.  They can be

painful.  It feels like you cannot go on… like you cannot find a

break, or a breath.

Grab a friend and hold on tight. 

Find something beautiful, inhale and exhale.   Focus.   Let it

completely overcome you, your thoughts and worries, even if 

just for a moment.

~K

April 7, 2010 – Finding Peace

Babies.  Faith.  Beaches.  Hope.

Finding Peace.  Noticing.  Feeling.  Being.

~K

April 6, 2010 – Goodbye, my Hero

My grandfather passed away on Easter.   I attended and spoke at his funeral today.  Among many other noted items, the following was revealed and seemed an appropriate positive lesson to note for today.

My grandfather was in WWII in the U.S. Army.  He landed on the beaches of Normandy on the 3rd day.   He was involved in the Battle of the Bulge.  He never spoke of the war or his time there.  It wasn’t something he wanted to discuss any further.

We found out, going through my grandfather’s things, this week, that he had been awarded 4 bronze medals in WWII.   These are the 4th highest honor; medals given to someone for heroic or meritorious achievement.  He received not one, but four. 

He never told anyone this.  My grandmother and father found these details while going through his discharge papers this week.   We don’t know what he did to receive these.  No one knows a single detail.  We are certainly proud and yet, not completely surprised.

This is how he lived his life.  He was good, without expectations.  He was humble.  He was strong.

Goodbye, my hero.  Thank you for one last lesson.

~K

April 6. 2010 – Going Home

How will I go on with you gone this way?  How will I come up with a song to say I love you….

 

I will laugh more and worry less.  I will tell my children about you and smile and not cry when I do.  I will live life, but not be reckless.  I will always love Doris and visit her often. I will work hard.  I will value moments with my own father… and others. 

I will say my goodbyes today and then enjoy life and the lives of my children as fully as I can each day.  I will remember and love you always.

~K

April 5, 2010 – Goodbyes

Goodbye and thank you. 

Thank you for giving me so many positives.  Thank you for making my life so much more special.  Thank you for making me the person I am today, a better person than I would have ever been able to be without your influence.

~K

April 4, 2010 – Happy Easter

Bright colors…

Beautiful moments.

 

Happy Easter.

~K

April 3, 2010 – Making Memories

Another little girl….

And her grandpa…

Spending time…

By the water…

Made my heart…

Smile softly today.
~K

April 2, 2010 – A life of Goodness

“If I didn’t love you so much, I don’t think it would be hurting so badly to say goodbye…” –

There’s the positive… I love him so much.  Without that, this pain would not be so bad, which would be nice right now, but then who would I be?   What would I have missed out on?

I’m grateful for all of the goodness our lives together gave. 

~K

April 1, 2010 – Getting there

Today I am trying harder to do better.

Today I pointed out a yellow mustang to my boy.  We played with trucks.  And I really played along.   We talked of tools and I watched a baby face light up with enjoyment when I told him the fix it stories of his great grandpa and tools.

Today, I did not let my daughter see me cry.   I told her I was just as excited about the Easter bunny.  And I am.  We celebrated her last day of school this morning.  Then sent her to school giggling.

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I will take Easter and notice the sparkle in their eyes.  It is a time I cannot get back.  I will make an April Fool’s Day joke with her before she goes to sleep.  I will dance tomorrow with both of them.

I am doing differently.  Grieving differently.  Trying to regain footing and I think slowly getting there… or at least moving in the right direction.

~K