Note: I am behind on posts. I started this post about a week ago, but wanted to take my time… process it a bit before posting as it was important to me. Unfortunately, my husband’s grandmother, passed away last night, before I was able to publish this post. Regardless, I still think it has a place here, and now especially, today.
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My husband’s grandmother was placed in a nursing home just a few weeks ago. She is 95 years old and dying. She knows this.
What
I didn’t know is what is to follow….
When we arrived, Grandma was sitting up in bed and began by quickly asking me where the children were. It was important for her to see them. We had not brought them, I mumbled, apologetically, for, really, we were unsure of what condition she would be in when we got there.
Next, she told us that she was disappointed she had not been bathed before we arrived. She explained to me that she had her outfit ready to wear, “see it at the end of the bed, honey?” when we came and we should really see her in it because “it’s just darling and I was waiting for you to come to wear it… mint green, with ruffles on the wrists and the ankles.”
It didn’t take long before we realized she was still in complete control of things and that she was going to tackle death just as she had everything else in her life… head on and her way. And with a positivity that began to awe me. So…
We sat and talked for some time and then I left. - To get the children, of course. And to give her a minute to get changed. Sure enough, she was right, - the outfit was darling and most definitely a ‘must see’.
When I arrived back, children in tow, she was a little sleepy, but woke up, asked me to raise her bed and then she asked my daughter, her great granddaughter, to please sing for her. Later, I heard she spoke with joy about the two bars of ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and of how beautiful it sounded. She let my son enjoy the mechanical remote for her bed, never flinching, but only smiling as he raised her up… and down… and up again, learning how the device worked.
Sure enough, she was dressed in her mint green and though a little distraught I couldn’t see the ankle ruffles under the blanket, assured me they were there. I brought magazines and flowers and we talked for just a few more moments. She kissed both children tenderly and before we left I saw her holding them close and memorizing their faces, her strong but aged hands wrapped tightly around their baby cheeks.
Last, I lifted her up gently behind her back and added an extra pillow beneath her head, lowered her bed back down and kissed her softly. She apologized for ‘getting drowsy’ on us and explained it was a medication that was affecting her ability to be as alert as she’d like.
I walked out, hand in hand with my children and with a different feeling in my heart. Grandma and I both knew it was the last visit for us all, yet the lessons weren’t over. This is a woman who has outlived two husbands…. she understands strength. She was extremely lucid and certainly knew the reality of the day, yet had one more thing to not tell, but to
show me- No matter what you are facing, find the positive. In this case it was a mint green ruffle. Also, - savor each moment, whether it be the sounds of a child’s voice or a familiar face. Finally, - stay strong, know when to let go and when it is that time, be peaceful in your process.
Thank you for the lessons, Grandma. May you rest in peace.
~K
