“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” - Mother Teresa
Share a smile and you share a gift. Share a smile and see what it does… look at that, this boy. I can’t look at this without smiling myself….
~K
“Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.” - Greek Proverb
I love watching the wonder in her eyes and in her movements.
May she always look at her world with such curiosity and intent. May she always look at her world and first notice all of the beauty and all of the possibilities. And may I always remember that there is so much that I can learn from her if I take the time to watch and to listen.
~K
Today is April 5th. Though maybe it was the 4th…
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I hung my American flag. It reminds me of him. Of him, in the fuzzy black and white picture as a young boy, bravely in uniform, whose world was about to drastically change. Of him, as it draped neatly over a gorgeous wooden casket that I never thought I’d see. Of him, in the face of a young soldier, looking deeply into the tear filled eyes of my grandmother, who then handed her the perfectly folded triangle with a final salute. Of him, as it now sits, folded into a neat wooden frame, preserved in a quiet space in their home.
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It was a year ago today and I was at the beach, waiting for the news that I knew may be coming. I ran along the water, day after day, choking on the salty tears that were streaming from my face.
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It was April 5th. Or maybe it was the 4th.
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Who the hell cares? (That’s what he would say.)
This day wasn’t important before and I refuse to allow myself for it to be a day of mourning now. This day marks simply a loss of time, and today is one year later.
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Today is April 5th.
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I didn’t cry today. What the hell good is that going to do you? (There’s his voice again.)
I thought him often though and each time, rather than mourn, I deliberately thought of something wonderful.
I thought of him leaning back, two feet of his chair on the floor, a toothpick in his mouth, scratching and patting his belly with a hand short of fingers. Laughing. Lots of memories of laughing. I can close my eyes and hear it now. Thank you, Pop Pop, for reminding me to always laugh… and laugh loud.
I thought of him unloading refinished wooden school desks into our house. A surprise from him so that we could play school more authentically. Thank you, Pop Pop, for that early influence in education. I loved those beautiful wooden desks.
I thought of dogs. And how for weeks after he died, every stray or lost dog in the neighborhood somehow found it’s way to me. And then I’d hear his cackling laugh in the wind and smile. Thank you, Pop Pop, for these strange oddities.
I thought of the incidents… the scares since he’s been gone. My dad’s accident, the night my son fell unconscious, birthday surprises….. and how his strength is always felt somewhere, everywhere,… reminding me. Thank you, Pop Pop, for watching over us all.
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Today is April 5th.
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I thought of mopeds and white socks and cracked windows and cigarettes and bookshelves and bubble gum and airplanes and fishing and twisted mustaches and boats and foot rubs and toy chests and old cars and coffee cups and wrapping paper and hearing aides and speeding tickets and Henry Ford and lawn mowers and pizza and country music and hair grease and memories and memories and memories of …. lots and lots of laughing. We were always laughing.
There were very few tears today. Atta girl, Kristian. (Thank you.) Life is for the living. (I know.)
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Today is April 5th. Thank you for the wonderful memories. Thank you for filling my life with laughter and love.
“I’m gonna walk with my granddaddy… and he’ll match me step for step. I’ll tell him that I missed him every minute since he’d left. And then I’ll hug his neck…” ` George Teren and Rivers Rutherford
~K
I. Love. This.
“Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt, crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can,
tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely,
with too high a spirit to be cumbered
with your old nonsense.”~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
~K
There’s a song we have sang to the kids since they were first born. The song grew from a poem written by a young Russian child and has been referenced to by many, from President Reagan to Raffi. Here’s the chorus of it…
May there always be sunshine,
May there always be blue skies,
May there always be mommy,
May there always be me.
May there always be rivers,
May there always be green trees,
May there always be daddy,
May there always be me.
-Lev Oshanin
The chorus lines are interchangeable and over the years, we’ve included the words, ‘may there always be ...brothers, ….sisters, …grandmas ….rainbows, etc.’ as we sang verse after verse . Many a night, they fell asleep in our arms, as we held them tight and they listened to our repetitious thankfulness through the notes of this beautiful song.
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The kids were playing out front and I was inside making them lunch. I opened the back door to let the dog out and looked out off of our porch and saw this. I stopped. Grabbed my camera and took this picture.
Instantly, ‘our’ song came to mind and in my head, …
May there always be rain boots…
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Time goes so fast. I’m so glad I’ve chosen to take a moment to take a moment each day.
~K
One day….
we will sleep in again on Saturday mornings. With no early commitments, no cars packed with thermoses of hot coffee, fruit snacks, blankets, muddy cleats and singsong voices that are clearly too loud for the hour displayed on the clock.
But then what?
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But then what? I don’t know.
I do know that for now, I will enjoy every moment of our Saturday mornings. Because I do also know that if I blink for a moment too long, it will be then. It will be an empty nest Saturday and there will be no one to jump on my head to wake me at the crack of dawn, no mini shin guards to wrestle onto chubby calves, no bag of books and games to pack for the other… and no one to mind where we are or what we may miss.
Saturday Morning Soccer. In all of it’s madness… I will notice it. I will soak up every millisecond of these too short times and file it all somewhere. I will consciously do this so that on that morning then, I will be able to sit in my home and tuck my hands around my cup of coffee and then close my eyes and remember when….
Is it Saturday yet? I cannot wait.
~K
“On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do” – John Mayer
I’m so grateful my daughter has this Daddy. He is gentle and strong, calm and smart. He treasures their time together and puts it first on his priority list. His influence in her life will shape who she is and help to form who she becomes. He will grow with her- be her rock, her sounding board and the soft place for her to fall. And though she has no idea of this now, one day, it will be crystal clear.
Smiles, love and goodness…. Fathers and Daughters.
~K
