February 19, 2010 – Perfect

In every single way….

Sunshine.   Dancing.   Giggles.  Hugs.  Picnics.  Trampolines.   Warm Grass.  Fresh Air.   Blue skies. Family.

48 hours of perfection.   I’m so grateful for each moment of it.

~K

February 18, 2010 – Take the Time.

I always take the time to work on our two elderly neighbors’ yards when we are out doing our own yard work.  My husband goes over in the winter and helps to plant their holiday tree and trim it with lights and I’ll occasionally take over hot soup to them for dinners or just check in with the kids to say hello. 

I do this happily, but also with the genuine intent of putting goodness out into the universe that the young neighbors of our elderly grandparents would kindly do the same.  Some would say that’s a selfish reason for my kind actions and not the right reason for helping, but I think I would respectfully disagree.  Rather, I think it’s a positive and hopeful thought.  

“When you are kind to someone, you hope they'll remember and be kind to someone else. And it'll become like a wildfire.” – Whoopi Goldberg

Below, one of my favorite quotes originally stated by Mahatma Ghandi, and paraphrased here from Pearl Buck.

“Our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members.” ~Pearl S. Buck

The real ‘selfish’ part of it is that we do it because it makes us feel so good.   It’s a minimal exertion on our parts, thirty minutes or an hour and the effects are long lasting-  from the ease you’ve added to people’s lives to perhaps more importantly, the example you’re setting for your children watching and learning from your actions, which lights the original match for your own personal wildfire to begin.

My grandmother hurt her knee this week shoveling ice, which I suppose has gotten my mind in this direction today.   I couldn’t figure out why I put so much out there,  kindness hoping to boomerang, - and yet these things still happen. 

I don’t know.   It doesn’t really matter-  it is simply hopeful thoughts for the boomerang.   I do know that it won’t stop how I choose to live. 

I will continue to take the time to simply take some time and hope that others light the matches for their own fires as well.

Scattered thoughts for today anyway….

~K

 

February 17, 2010 – We Could Learn a lot if we Just Choose to Listen

We took some time out of our Sunday morning to call great grandparents.   My husband and I are so fortunate that we actually have four calls to make and at least one of our grandparents there at each  home.  

I called my 83-(ish?)  year old grandmother. She has had a rough road.  She has lost a son and just buried my grandfather, her husband of over three decades just months ago.   She is living alone, trying to find her footing in unknown territory surrounded with grief.   She was out of breath when she answered and it took a few rings before she picked it up.

Did I wake you D?  I’m so sorry.  I should have waited until later in the afternoon to ca-

No, no honey.  You didn’t wake me!    

(Meanwhile, I could hear the excitement in her voice… excitement only because I ‘exerted’ myself to push 12 numbers and speak to her over my morning coffee… mental note to do this each week) 

Actually, I was just getting of the treadmill and going to go try and check my email…..

She’s taking computer classes.  Learning about email.  At 83.  Walking on a treadmill on Sunday morning.  Despite it all.  Jumping off the treadmill to happily take my call. 

She is struggling.   But not stopping.   Just because she’s walking forward doesn’t discount her grief.  She has learned.  

To stop living your life won’t fix things.  You have to keep moving forward.  You just do.   

I remember where I sat when she told me this with a strict matter of fact-ness that I didn’t quite understand at the time.  It was so soon after his death.   We were all falling apart around her and yet she stood strong and did things like clean the house and sign up for computer classes.    And then she explained to me what I know now is her sweet strong truth.  She spoke with tears in her soft eyes, her shaky elderly voice which sounds so fragile and yet so forceful all at once as she told me those words.  She followed this with details of how severe her pain and grief were and how she hadn’t really slept in days and the details of how intensely she missed my Pop Pop every moment of every day.  And then, as though someone flipped a switch, she clearly reiterated.

If I stop living because of this grief, he’s still gone, honey.  You have to keep moving forward.  To fall apart won’t bring him  back… or else I would.  And that’s what you have to do.

And so, we spoke as she got off the treadmill.  She talked about her computer class and how the weekly assignment was to open an attachment.  While I finished my coffee, I sent her a picture of her and my daughter, hugging at Christmas.  I sent it as an attachment.

She’s learned to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, finding positivity and new things, keeping her head as high held as she can, despite how hard it can be to do so.

We could learn a lot from her if we just choose to listen. 

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This morning, I called my other grandmother.  She and I have always been close and when I call her it’s easy and fun and relaxed, like I’m calling one of my best girlfriends.  I love to sit and talk to her.  She, too, is struggling.   Her husband, the only Pop Pop I have ‘left’ right now is in a nursing home down the street.   I use the word ‘left’ loosely as he’s not really with us anymore.  The shell of his goodness is here.   She cannot move forward and she cannot grieve his loss as he’s somewhere in this weird mess of neither here nor there.    She has been his caretaker for too long now and it’s wearing on her 80+ year old body.   Her breathing is weak and her coloring isn’t what it used to be… when she was soft and tan, wrinkly and wonderfully round with plum tinted glasses and way too much makeup.   I loved that look and often find myself going a little too blonde with my own hair and makeup, probably in some weird reversion to childhood mimicking my lovely Nana.  We talk more as I snuggle comfortably into bed with my son to visit with her.  About the kids, school, life, her knee.  She fell this week on the ice. She told me she’s using a walker right now and that she can manage to the bathroom  but aside from that is going to be in bed, waiting for it to heal.

Really?   Oh my gosh, I hate this for you.  You’re in bed still?  Can you…-

Oh, I know, baby.  It will be fine. The worst of it, baby is I can’t get up to see your grandpa.

Have you eaten?   Can you get to the bathroom? Is there someone we can call to help you?  (And for a split second I question my move away, to my freedom, to my sunshine, to my space in the world.  I think  of how I could be there… in the cold ice, the dank home with her, washing her and holding her soft hand)

I begin to get upset and she senses it, I’m sure.   She cleared her throat and got her breath.

Oh, honey.  It’s no fun, but this is what life is all about.  It will get better.  Things always get better.   You just have to turn the page.  I promise.

I know but…

That’s the truth baby, we just have to turn the page.  It always gets better.

She cleared her throat, we exchanged I love you’s and she always tells me she loves me more.  This time was no different.   From her bed, alone in a house, surrounded by ice.  Ice on her knee, ice on her drive, a walker by her side… she finds optimism and positivity and love.  Just turn the page, baby.

We could learn a lot from her if we just choose to listen.

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I will listen more.  Call more.  Love more.  Stand tall and strong more.  Because of them.

My thoughts for today-  K

February 14, 2010 – My Valentine

Everything aligned.  The air was warm, the sky was bright.  Trees were in bloom, and because it was a work & school day, the local parks were empty.  I forgot all of our commitments that we’d had for the day and my favorite little valentine and I spent the day just us, at the park, without a care in the world.   Yes, the alignment was perfect and the memories of our beautiful day will forever be etched in my mind.

~K

February 13, 2010 – The Promise

I love the first buds starting to appear.   The camelias are in full bloom, the tulip trees are beginning to form buds, forcefully reminding winter it’s time is over and this sweet bud too, begins again, the promise of warmth and renewal and spring, just around the corner.

Smiles for Sunday.

~K

February 6, 2010 – Joy

This weekend, I relished in the joy of watching my young daughter discover and enjoy doing something she truly loves.   She participated in a community event where she expressed herself, in all of her fullness, immersed herself, with all of her exuberance and shared herself with so many of those who loved her.   I sat back, with my husband and family, day after day, amazed at her talents and her confidence and watched her become who it appears, she is intended to be.

At one point, I asked her, “Honey, are you having fun?” with the assumption that understandably she may be getting tired, or that maybe perhaps, she was participating because she thought we wanted her to be or for other unknown reasons… Without pause… her response, “Mommy, I absolutely love this!”

I had very little left to say except to smile and to explain to her that this is what life is about.  Life is about finding what it is that you absolutely love to do, and if in doing that, you can bring others pleasure, then you are truly blessed and extremely fortunate.

Tonight, at the end of a weekend I spent in awe of this beautiful little girl, I feel so truly blessed and fortunate to be a part of her happiness.

~K

February 1, 2010 – Peace, my friend

Thanks to my lovely, wonderful, strong and amazing friend, V, for this one….. thought I’d share.

"Peace is not something you wish for; it's something you make, something you do, something you are, and something you give away." -Robert Fulghum

~K