January 7, 2010 – 45 minutes of Peace

Today it warmed up enough for me to take my little monkeys outside.   She rode her scooter, he ‘mowed’ the driveway and we breathed fresh air.  We cleaned off the yard and walk and revitalized for just forty five minutes before heading inside for some welcoming warm soup. 

I’m very grateful for those forty five minutes.

~K

January 6, 2010

Today I am grateful for my kids.  

I’m grateful for the self confidence of one and the insecurities of another.   I’m so appreciative of his curiosity and of her enthusiasm.   The innocence and the sensitivity of them both.   The way their purity and their kindness to others is evident even in the most crazy of circumstances.   Most importantly, their health and sense of security.

I’m grateful to have the ability to sit here and to be such a huge part of the lives of these two special little beings.  What an awesome opportunity.

That’s it for today, but boy, is it something special and what an amazing honor.

~K

January 5, 2010 – Who do you want to be?

Yesterday, I took my children to the fire department for a  field trip.  A firefighter showed us around, telling me how my little ones reminded him of his three babies at home. 
This morning, my kindergartener was up and dressed, singing, hours before the start back to school, excitedly waiting to see her teacher who she missed over the holidays. 
Today, my little sister is going in for surgery.   The surgery will involve a lengthy recovery time and the help of a team of therapists. 
Tomorrow, a dear friend is having a baby.  We’re  excitedly wait for his safe  and healthy entrance.   Her obstetrician will deliver a sweet new little boy into our family and also carefully guard her health in the process.
This year, there are a couple of our family members who require the regular care of  home health and hospice nurses.  These individuals deal with us at our worst and bring peace into some of our most painful days.
And so for today, I am grateful.   For every child’s dream to become something different.   For those who give so much, because their influence changes the lives of so many.
Thank you, to our selfless firefighters, our skilled doctors and kind therapists.  Thank you to our loving teachers, our gentle hospice and home health nurses…. and more.  Thank you to all of those who make it their life’s dream and daily goal, to help us, to save us, to guide us and to ease our way. 
I am deeply grateful for each of you.
~K

January 4, 2010 – Happy Wrinkles

I’m getting wrinkles.   I suppose it’s an inevitable part of life and growing older.   Though it’s not ideal, it is reality and everyone gets wrinkles.   You can live with them, lotion them, try to remove them or ignore them… that’s really personal preference and beside the point.  

My point for today is that regardless of what I do with these newfound little friends, I first want to make sure that if they must show themselves, then they must do so as happy wrinkles… wrinkles from spending too many days smiling at my babies in the sun, from laughing until bent over with friends, from winking at my little girl as she tries something new, creases from twisting my face in funny contortions, in attempts to talk like the characters in  my son’s storybooks,  fine lines from forgetting sunglasses on years of beach walks with my husband.

Forget frown lines.  I want my face, as an aged woman to look like it’s more comfortable laughing than relaxed.   And I want my wrinkles to be a faded map proving that to be the truth.

So, for today, as I am about to leave the house with my children, I will remember how I’d like this map of mine to age…. I will remember to laugh more than I worry, encourage more than I reprimand and smile more than I frown.

~K

January 3, 2010

For today, I will focus on not focusing on negativity.  While there is evil and ugliness in our world and in others, I will try to remind myself to first continue to keep my eyes wide open for these things, especially where it concerns my children, but to also and very importantly, focus on the good in the world and in others.

So often, negativity wins attention… the child in the classroom who is acting out, the person at the party who is loudest and most inappropriate and then on a greater scale, those who are committing acts of evil and of hatred.  Aren’t those the headlines we read, remember and repeat over others?     

While being cognizant of these things is crucial to our awareness and even our well being and safety, too much so can make a person paranoid and unobservant of all that is good.

Today, I will remind myself that most people are genuine and good.   Most people are really trying to do their best, in  relationships, in parenting, in work-styles, in communications, even in driving!

What I can do and will strive to do is to acknowledge that as often as possible, and in doing so, it just may ease my stress and also perpetuate  positivity and goodwill… which, in turn, will make us all able to live and to be better.

~K

January 2, 2010

It’s cold outside.   Too cold to go out and play I think.  

I’m not a cold weather kind of person and it can really get me down, especially when accompanied with gray skies.   I will usually find myself complaining on a day like today about the frigidness of the air, preferring to stay in the heat and pretend it’s not so miserable outdoors.  I get grumpy and out of sorts, trying to shake off the cold in my mind and in my bones.

What I realize today is that it is again, a half and half kind of thing.  It’s a conscious choice I will have to make.  I can think about the temperature hovering near the freezing mark and the way my skin hurts with the wind blowing or I can choose to focus on the sun, which is shining strongly, lighting the yard and removing the gray from the skies…. forcing herself into our otherwise chilly day.

It’s a choice and a decision I will have to make…..and for today, I will make sure that my vote and my focus go to Miss Sunshine.

~K

January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!  I must admit that forcing myself to carve out a moment for this was a little harder than I thought it would be.  To begin, I thought to go ahead this morning and get on it.  Then, I figured I’d wait as the day went on…. and then, I found myself at 11:00pm, without my post.  I hope it becomes more of a routine of positivity as the time goes along.
It will be interesting to see where this goes as far as a format.  I have nothing in mind particularly, though lots of ideas pinning around, which isn’t unusual for me (and could probably be squashed with the correct prescription).   I kind of like the busyness of this, my crazy mind, though, so on I’ll continue.

This morning, I was taking down the Christmas decorations and I found myself just as excited about removing the stuff as I was two months ago putting it all up.   Now please don’t think I found positivity here and relished the moments of taking down the tree.  It simply didn’t happen.   I did notice though, as I walked through the kitchen, hurriedly cleaning, wiping, vacuuming, packing , I noticed something particularly precious.  I looked into the kid’s play area and saw my two babies, laying side by side talking.  No one had asked them to, they weren’t holding each other down… they were just loving and enjoying the moment.  A light bulb went off… this is it!  I will stop and take note.  Breathe and notice!  Well, of course I did… I even took a picture but by this time they were running off in different directions, so the photo isn’t as beautiful as the moment was and is in my mind.
So, while, this could be my minute of gratefulness, and it was, my moment for the day in positivity is in something else.
As we traveled and spent time with friends and family this holiday, it was wonderful and also rather bittersweet.   We have a close relative who is dying of a terrible disease.   We have grandparents who are here beyond their years.  Others who we have recently lost.   On top of this, we watched old home videos and I found myself choked up, noticing those who were no longer with us and wondering why.
And THIS is it…. this is my moment of the day.   It isn’t about being grateful that my kids love each other, because it was perfect in every way and precious as all get out.  It was changing the mindset and direction of my thoughts in other ways.
Thinking about our holidays, about the videos, about loss that has happened and about loss that looming, I decided that my mindset was off.  Rather than focusing on the loss, I spent a moment thinking of a really nice memory of each of those already gone.   Laughs we’d shared, talks we’d had… moments of happiness.  I stopped.  Remembered, smiled, enjoyed the memories. 
And then, I did the same for those who are still here.   I am grateful for the time spent with them over the holidays and over the years.   I am overjoyed with the time we’ve spent with my grandparents and others, who unfortunately, whether I like it or not, will probably not be with us next Christmas.
Rather than focusing on why they may not be here or when their time on Earth will no longer be, I forced myself to focus on happy times together, gratefulness for times we’ve had and currently have.
And I celebrated these times.  With myself, with private thoughts and memories and positivity.
And I’m glad that I did.  Day one, a success… a late night success, but without doubt a success.
Until tomorrow… K